Sunsets and Shades Read online

  Grace ran her hands up and down my arms, where goosebumps had started to form. “I’m so sorry Kinsley. I know how much it sucks when you feel like you’re not good enough for someone, but just because one person thought that doesn’t mean it’s true. You’re more than good enough.”

  After she spoke, I couldn’t keep the tears from falling. “See, that’s just the thing. I’m not good enough. Love ruined me. When I say that I turned around and never looked back, I mean I literally never looked back. I left for college and never went back home. I spent every holiday and break with Nikki’s family. I didn’t want to go back and be surrounded by the people who didn’t know the real me. I didn’t want to be forced back into the closet. But in the process of trying not to hurt myself, I hurt every single other person in my life. My grandma used to call me every week and ask when I was coming home to visit. I would lie and tell her it would be soon, even though I had no intentions on actually going. Do you want to know when I finally saw her? It was at her viewing Grace. I didn’t go home until she was already gone. And I didn’t even go to the burial. After the funeral, I told my family that I would meet them there, but instead I got in my car and drove all the way back to Wisconsin. I couldn’t stand the thought of facing them after what I had done to my grandma in the last two years of her life. I ran all the way back to the girl who ended up breaking my heart a year later. Love did that to me. It made me into a monster who lets people down. It made me into a sarcastic asshole who treats people like shit. It ruined me, Grace.”

  “Love didn’t ruin you, Kinsley. It was infatuation and it was naivete, and it was even fear. But it wasn’t love. Plus, you’re not ruined. You might be a little bit broken, but you’re far from ruined. I think you’re amazing.”

  I laid in silence letting Grace’s words sink in. Letting Grace sink in. For the first time, I let her take over me. I didn’t try to push away the feelings that were building inside of me. My mind drifted away from Nikki and my past and became focused on one thing only. I knew exactly what I needed in that moment.

  “Show me.” It was a whispered request that could only be heard because of the utter silence surrounding us.

  “Show you what?” Grace ran one lone finger along my cheek as she waited for my reply.

  I sighed in response to her touch, then looked into those big green eyes. “Show me what sex is like when it’s more than just sex.”

  Grace’s eyes went wide, but she didn’t move. “For sex to be more than just sex, there has to be feelings involved.”

  I put both of my hands on her cheeks and directed her lips to mine, slowly opening my mouth to hers. As I reluctantly pulled away just a few moments later, I hoped that kiss conveyed the feelings that I couldn’t. “Please show me,” I repeated once again.

  This time, Grace nodded in understanding and brought our lips back together. The kiss was easy and unhurried, and Grace delicately ran her fingers along my sides as we continued to get lost in each other. There was nothing rushed about it, which was so unlike any sex I had experienced in the past. I honestly wondered if we would actually move past the kissing, until I felt Grace begin to tug on my shirt. She pulled back just a bit and kept her eyes plastered on mine as she lifted it over my head. I did the same with her shirt, and we repeated this process until every last bit of clothing was removed. It certainly wasn’t the first time I had been naked in front of someone. It wasn’t even the first time I had been naked in front of Grace, but as she grazed her eyes over my whole body, I had never felt more exposed.

  She directed me to lay on my back, then began kissing along my jawline. Her lips moved at a painstakingly slow pace along my neck and across my chest. When I bucked below her, doing anything I could to feel more connected, she pulled back and shook her head while smiling slyly at me. As if that wasn’t enough torture, she bit her bottom lip before bending down to take mine between her teeth.

  As she began kissing me again, she explored my whole body with her hands, and I began to do the same. This would normally be the time that I would flip a girl over and go to town on her, but I was more than happy feeling out every single curve.

  After a few more minutes, Grace pulled back again, straddling my waist as she stared right through me. For only a brief moment, she looked like she was starting to question what she was doing, but she swiftly returned to the confident girl that I certainly wasn’t used to but was quickly growing very fond of.

  She spread her legs and positioned herself between mine, then gently rocked against me. It wasn’t the first time I had done this. At this point, I was pretty sure that I had tried every position out there, but this was different. It was so different. As we moved together, she took my chin in her hand and directed my eyes toward her.

  “Look at me.” It sounded so much more like a request than a demand leaving her lips. “You are so beautiful,” she confessed breathlessly, before capturing my lips with hers.

  The kiss was slow and sensual and in perfect rhythm with our bodies. I found myself getting closer to the edge as every single part of us became one, body and soul.

  “It’s time to let go, sweetheart,” Grace spoke into my mouth, as she picked up her pace. I followed her lead and completely let go, allowing myself to feel everything. We reached climax together, both clinging on tight as the sensation rushed through us; the sounds of our shared orgasm muffled by our still connected mouths.

  Grace kept her body resting on top of mine for the next few minutes, as we both lay in silence, the only sound in the room being the rapid beating of both of our hearts.

  When she ultimately lifted off me, I rolled onto my side so I could look into her eyes. Her green eyes glowed in the dark room, and I found myself getting lost all over again. “Grace... I...”

  “I know...” she reassured me. But I wasn’t sure what it was that she knew exactly. I couldn’t even figure out what I was feeling at the moment. Luckily, I didn’t have to. Grace simply took me in her arms, and I buried my head in her chest as I drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter 16: Grace

  I half expected to wake up the next day and find that Kinsley had run away again. Actually, I more than half expected it. The night before had been intense, even for me. Kinsley’s confessions were charged with emotion. And that sex. Wow. I had never in my entire life experienced something like that. That’s because it wasn’t sex. We made love. Can it be called that even if you aren’t actively in love at the time? Because it definitely felt like that. Even in all of my years with Becky, it never once felt like that. The passion and fire was unmatched. But why hadn’t it been like that with Becky? I was in love with her. Sure, I couldn’t deny anymore that I had really strong feelings for Kinsley, but I certainly wasn’t in love.

  I felt her body, that was still wrapped around mine, stir next to me and held my breath as her eyes opened. This was the moment of truth. She slowly opened just one eye and stared over at me. “Are you seriously watching me sleep right now? Creeper.” She then surprised me by pulling me in closer to her. I had no clue what was happening, but I also didn’t want to ruin the moment by questioning it, so I simply leaned into her embrace.

  Kinsley hummed in response to this interaction. “Morning sex?” she mumbled in her sleepy morning voice which I had just discovered was extremely sexy.

  I sighed. Morning sex with Kinsley sounded great, but one of us had to be mature about this, and I figured it wasn’t going to be her. “We should probably talk about last night.”

  As expected, Kinsley groaned in response. “It’s way too early for talking.”

  I lifted an eyebrow and felt a smirk come onto my face. “And it’s not too early for sex?”

  “It’s never too early for sex,” Kinsley mumbled again. She then opened her second eye and blinked a few times to focus on me. She looked so good laying there naked beside me, and I knew my resolve wouldn’t hold up for long.

  “Let’s say I did agree to have sex with you. Then would you talk to me?”

  �
��Sex and breakfast. Then I’ll talk.”

  “Fine. It’s a deal,” I agreed. The cute smirk on Kinsley’s face over the belief that she had won, made my fake hesitance totally worthwhile. The reality of the situation was that I was actually the one who had won. I started my day out with a mind blowing orgasm, was served breakfast in bed that Kinsley voluntary got up to cook, and now she was going to have this conversation whether she liked it or not.

  After taking her last bite, Kinsley sat down her fork and looked over at me with a serious expression on her face. “So, last night was…” I braced myself for her next words. A mistake? A bad idea? A one time thing? “Indescribable.”

  I let out a contented sigh in response to Kinsley’s confession and pulled her in closer to me, laying my head on her chest. To my surprise, she naturally began running her hand through my hair, as if this was something that we did every morning. I found myself wishing that it was. “Care to elaborate?” I finally asked, when I realized that was all Kinsley was giving to me.

  She groaned in response. “You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you? So, as I said, last night was indescribable. I’ve never experienced sex like that before. It was by far the most passionate night of my life. There’s no way that I can deny that I have feelings for you at this point. I find you sexy, funny, and mildly to severely infuriating depending on the day. You’re also extremely smart, and you enjoy chinchillas, so what’s not to like?”

  When I smiled, Kinsley’s face twisted into one of concern, and she shook her head. “What happened last night doesn’t change how I feel about love and relationships. I’d really love to continue whatever this is, but I’m never going to be the person who changes her relationship status on social media and introduces you to people as my girlfriend, and that’s not fair to you.”

  I considered Kinsley’s words. While I did want to eventually settle down with someone, I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was still too messed up from Becky. “What if we just enjoyed each other?” I suggested. “Not try to make it into something that it’s not, but also not deny what it is.”

  “Does enjoying each other include more sex?” Kinsley smirked.

  I moved my body on top of hers so I was straddling her hips. “Oh yes. Lots and lots of sex,” I purred, before bending down to kiss her. “Sex, Chinese food, pizza.”

  Kinsley raised both eyebrows and placed her hands on my hips. “I like all of those words.”

  I started to run a hand down the length of her body. “And, of course, there will be a lot of talking and opening up. Right, Kinsley?”

  When she glared up at me, I stopped the path of my hand and smiled back. “Right, Kinsley?”

  “If I agree, will you continue to move your hand to its original destination?”

  “Possibly,” I teased. “There’s only one way to find out though.” I gave Kinsley a flirtatious grin, really enjoying the fact that I had control for once.

  “Fine,” Kinsley conceded. “All of the talking. So much talking. Words galore.”

  Her words made me burst into laughter, but I began the path of my hand again. “Good girl.”

  Two orgasms later, Kinsley and I were snuggled on the couch watching TV. Leah’s voice snapped us both away from the show. “I’m very happy to see that you two made up, or I guess maybe I should say that I was happy to hear that you made up.” She followed her words with a fake gag.

  I cringed at the thought of Leah hearing us last night and again this morning. We had never had the type of friendship where we were open with each other about our sex lives. Then again, back when we were really close, neither of us were having sex. “I’m sorry, Leah,” I apologized. “We’ll try to be more quiet next time.”

  Kinsley snickered next to me. “Don’t apologize to her. Do you know how many times I’ve had to listen to Liam squeal like a little girl when they’re having sex?”

  Leah ignored Kinsley’s comments and looked between the two of us instead. “So, does this mean you guys are officially dating now?”

  I felt Kinsley’s body stiffen below me. “Oh. No. We’re not dating. We’re just enjoying each other… exclusively.” It made my heart beat faster to hear Kinsley add the word exclusively. I knew that I wouldn’t be dating or hooking up with anyone else, but I honestly didn’t know how she felt about that.

  My swooning was interrupted by Leah’s laughter. “Yeah, sweeties. That’s called dating. But you two can call it whatever you want because you’re super adorable together.”

  “Totally agree,” Liam added as he joined us in the living room. He then put an arm around Leah. “Ready?”

  I looked at my phone and saw that it was only 10. “Where are you two off to so early?”

  “We’re going back to Liam’s for the day. We figured you two could use some time alone to enjoy each other today.”

  “I’m surprised you guys want to go back there with the leak,” I commented, finally starting to catch on to why their interaction had seemed so strange when she brought it up at dinner last night.

  “Leak?” Busted.

  “Oh yeah. You know. The leak in the bedroom because of the apartment above flooding. I’m surprised they could get that fixed so fast.” My voice dripped with sarcasm as Leah remembered her lie from the night before.

  “Oh. The leak. Of course. Of course,” she spoke quickly. “Big flood. Big leak. It’s crazy how quickly the apartment complex worked to get it all fixed. Welp, we’re going to go. You two have a good day.” The two of them were out the door before I could say anything else.

  I shook my head and looked over at Kinsley. “That little shithead,” she laughed. To my surprise, she leaned in and gave me a kiss, as if it was the most natural move ever. “A shithead that I am very, very thankful for right now,” she added. I snuggled even closer to Kinsley and breathed her in, feeling content to just spend time close to her.

  ***

  This was how most of our time was spent over the next few weeks. Kinsley had to spend a few hours writing each day, and I used this time to consider job and housing options, and we also spent some time with Liam and Leah, but anytime it was just the two of us hanging out, we chose to stay in. Our conversations were light, never touching on the subject of Kinsley’s past again. I was fine with that. I was just happy to not be constantly fighting with her. Sure, we still had dumb little arguments about what movie to watch or whether someone was cheating at a board game, but luckily since our sexual chemistry only seemed to get better with time, we had found creative ways to work out the tension.

  One Wednesday afternoon, after Kinsley was done writing, she joined me on the couch and slinked one arm around my shoulders. “So, it turns out that today is the two month mark of you being in Philly. And before you get all swoony thinking I marked my calendar or something, the only reason I know is because of my Twitter. I tweeted about the Liberty Bell on your second day here. That’s how I know.”

  I tapped my chin as if I was contemplating something. “Did you happen to scroll back through your tweets to see which day you posted that?”

  To my surprise Kinsley’s face actually turned the slightest bit red from my question. “Don’t worry about how I figured it out, OK? That’s not the point. The point is that I think we should celebrate. I’d like to take you out… of the apartment to celebrate. Just the two of us. On me.”

  I couldn’t help but giggle at Kinsley’s wording. The average person would just ask if you wanted to go on a date, realizing that a date didn’t mean you had to spend forever together, but not Kinsley. “And where would you like to take me out?” I asked.

  “I figured we could go to a nice restaurant. You know, maybe eat something other than Chinese and pizza.”

  “They make other food?” I joked.

  “Believe it or not, they do. So I need you to meet me back out here around 5:00. Wear something nice.”

  At 5:00, I waited in the living room, wearing a knee-length, blue dress with white flowers on it and a brown
belt around the waist. When Kinsley entered the room, I felt like I was going to have to pick my jaw up off the ground. She wore a simple, red dress that was about the same length as mine, but she looked amazing in it. Then again, I was starting to think that Kinsley Scott could look good in absolutely anything. Her hair had a bit of waviness to it, and she had half of it pulled back. When she smiled at me, her blue eyes shimmered even more than I had ever noticed before. She kept it no secret that she was sweeping those blue eyes over the entire length of my body, and it took all of my self-control to not suggest that we just stay in instead. When her eyes met mine again, she bit her lower lip and lifted a flirtatious eyebrow. “My, my, my. Don’t you clean up well.”

  I nervously looked toward the ground and adjusted my glasses on my nose. Tonight may have marked two months of me being in Philly, but I was still the same no-chill nerd from that first night. I was starting to curse myself out for acting this way, when Kinsley walked over and put her hand under my chin, forcing me to look at her. She reached out and readjusted my glasses for me. “I need you to do me a favor and never ever start wearing contacts. Your eyes are stunning, but I just find it so damn charming when you play with your glasses like that. I know that you do it when you’re nervous, and I love that I make you nervous.”

  Kinsley started to laugh, and I playfully pushed her away from me. “Now you’re just being mean,” I pouted.

  Kinsley leaned in and took that lip between her teeth, slowly pulling and causing a million sensations to run through me. “Am I still mean?”

  “Yes!” I gasped, trying to catch my breath. “That is very mean. You are forcing me out of the apartment tonight, but making me want to just stay in and rip this dress off of you.”