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  I moved my hands to my side and stared intently at Diana. Her already pale face had turned a shade lighter and had my stomach tying up into knots. I couldn’t imagine what she had to tell me.

  “The thing is…” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m… actually… married.” She breathed deeply in between every word, causing the sentence to stretch longer than was necessary.

  With every second that passed, I could feel my heart beating faster and faster. I couldn’t have heard that right. There was no way the girl I was falling so hard for had just told me that she was married to someone else.

  “Legally or emotionally?” I asked without thinking. What did that even mean? And would her answer really make a difference?

  Diana let out a sigh that seemed to be laced with sadness. “If you’re asking what I think you are, things have been over between us for a long time. If I’m being completely honest with myself, it’s been over for years.”

  “So, what does that mean? Are you guys separated? Are you in the process of ending things?” I wanted to make sense of this. I didn’t want it to be as bad as it seemed.

  “Not exactly…” Diana hesitated. “It’s really complicated, Carly.”

  “How complicated?” Although I was asking the question, I honestly wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the answer at this point. This was all too much to handle.

  Diana reached down and took my hand in hers, squeezing her eyes shut before continuing. “I still live with her. There is a reason for that. I promise. I’m just afraid that when I tell you that reason, it’s going to make it even worse.”

  I tried my best to keep my voice level, even though I was freaking out inside. “Diana… I just need you to be honest with me and tell me exactly what’s going on.”

  “It’s complicated because my wife and I… We actually have a six-year-old daughter together.”

  I gasped in response. What the hell had I just done? “Let me get this straight…” I took a deep breath. “You have a daughter…” Deep breath.

  “I do.”

  “And a wife…” Deep breath.

  “Yes.”

  “And we just had sex.” Diana opened her mouth to say something, but I shook my head in response. “Please don’t. I can’t talk about this right now. I just need to be alone.”

  Diana looked away from me, but she was crying harder now. Why was I still tempted to reach out and comfort her after everything I had just learned? She got out of bed and slipped her clothes back on. Before leaving the room, she turned back to look at me.

  “I really am sorry, Carly. I wasn’t planning on any of this. I didn’t think I would meet someone like you at this point in my life, and I need you to know that I didn’t lie about my feelings. The way I feel about you is real. Please consider that. If you’re willing to talk about this with me after you think things through, I promise that I’ll answer any questions you have. I’ll do anything to make this work with you.”

  With those words spoken, she turned around and walked out of my room. Soon I heard her walk out of the apartment door as well. I forced myself to stand up and get dressed.

  A few minutes later, I was still unable to comprehend anything, so I took out my phone to text Samantha. Are you free? I need you to come over ASAP. I thought for a moment before sending out another text. Bring some Ben and Jerry’s and a bottle of wine. It’s going to be a long night.

  I didn’t receive a text back from Samantha, but fifteen minutes later, there was a knock at my door. I opened the door to find her standing there, holding all of my requested items.

  “Oh, honey, what happened?” she asked, stepping through the doorway and pulling me into her arms.

  It felt good having her hold me, so I fell into her embrace. My body shivered against hers, but I didn’t cry. No matter what happened during my life, I always refused to cry. After a few minutes, Samantha let go enough to guide me over to the couch. We sat in silence for a few more minutes, before she finally spoke.

  “So, what happened? Did you and Diana break up?”

  I broke down and told her the story of how the whole night unfolded, starting with the mind-blowing sex and leading into her telling me that she not only had a wife, but also a daughter. Without saying a word, Samantha stood up and walked into the kitchen. She came back with two spoons and two big glasses of wine. She opened the carton of Ben and Jerry’s and placed both spoons inside. We shared a knowing look, then each grabbed a spoon, shoving massive amounts of ice cream into our mouths. The whole scene was so ridiculous that I started to laugh. My laughter rubbed off on Samantha and soon we both fell back against the couch cushions, holding our stomachs and laughing hysterically.

  Once the laughter subsided, Samantha looked at me with a serious expression back on her face. “So, what now?”

  I exhaled loudly and ran a hand through my hair. “I honestly don’t know. Part of me wants to cut her off and never talk to her again, and then another part of me wants to ask her what the hell she was thinking.”

  “You’re not considering continuing this though, are you?”

  “No. I mean… I can’t… I’m not the other woman. I refuse to be the other woman.”

  “Good,” Samantha responded, sounding relieved.

  We spent the next hour watching mindless TV. When one of the shows made a reference to Thanksgiving, I was reminded of what else I wanted to tell Samantha.

  “My mom called me the other day. She and my dad want me to come over for Thanksgiving dinner.”

  Samantha muted the TV and looked over at me. “Oh yeah? What did you tell her?”

  I shrugged. “I told her I’d have to think about it. The last time I saw them was June and it went about the same as every other time. It was nice for a bit, then they got on my case for being gay again. I don’t understand how they are still convinced it is going to change at this point. You’d think that after what happened, they would realize that having a gay daughter isn’t that big of a deal. But it still is to them, so I’m stuck trying to decide what to do. On one aspect, it’s nice that they are putting out an effort and actually want to spend a holiday with me, but it’s always too little too late with them. Plus, it sounds rather miserable.”

  Samantha reached across and squeezed my knee. “Well, you know you’re always welcome at the Phillips Family Thanksgiving, even if that means coming over after going to your parents’ so you can vent.”

  “Thanks, dude. I’ll definitely let you know. Holidays should be spent with people who love us and, well, I’m not fully convinced that my parents do.” I sighed dramatically and added, “Could you stay with me tonight?”

  Samantha hesitated for only a moment before answering. “Of course.”

  I gave her some pajamas to wear and the two of us crawled into bed. I immediately cuddled myself up next to her. I needed to feel the warmth of someone beside me tonight and Samantha had a way of making me feel safe.

  Chapter 8

  When I got into work on Monday morning, Mrs. Phillips greeted me in the break room. “Good morning, sweetheart. This was hanging on the front door for you this morning.” She handed me an envelope that had my name written on it.

  I ran my hand over the letters. Even though I’d never seen her handwriting, I immediately knew who it was from. I thanked Mrs. Phillips for grabbing it for me, then waited for her to walk back out front so I could read it.

  When I opened the card, it had some poem about being sorry that I glossed over. What I was really worried about were the words that Diana had written.

  My Sweetest Carly, I’m not sure where to start. I guess sorry would be a good place. I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I let that lie go on for so long. But most of all, I’m so so sorry that I hurt you. When you bumped into me that first time we met, you quite literally rocked my world. Something lit up inside of me, and I knew I had to get to know you. I thought we would share a nice lunch and then both move on, but after talking to you for just a few minutes, I realized
that would be impossible. I wanted… no, scratch that… I needed to get to know you better, and I knew if I mentioned my wife and daughter, there was no way that would ever be a possibility. I’ve wanted to tell you this whole time. I almost said it every single time we were together, but I just couldn’t bring myself to. I knew as soon as I told you, there was a pretty good chance it would ruin everything we had. And I know you might not believe this (I mean, honestly—why should you believe anything I tell you?), but I really do believe we have something special. It kills me to know that if we had met just a little bit later in life after everything was finalized between my wife and me, that we would have a better chance of working out.

  Do we still have a chance? I know our situation isn’t convenient, but Carly you have to know that all of the feelings I expressed to you were true. Actually, I wasn’t completely honest. I held back a little about how I felt because I knew it was probably too early to be having these feelings and I didn’t want to scare you away. But, since this might be the last chance I ever get to talk to you, I don’t want to hold back anymore. Carly Foster, I’m falling in love with you. I don’t care if that makes me crazy because it’s true.

  Please give me a chance to show you that we can make this work between us. We can get through this bump in the road and still get our perfect happy ending. I am going to be waiting at our spot in the park every day this week during lunch. If you are willing to at least talk to me, please come meet me. After this week, if I haven’t heard from you, I promise to be out of your life forever.

  I really am sorry. Take care. Love always, Diana

  I read her words over and over again. She was falling in love with me? What did it all mean now? I would be lying if I said reading those words hadn’t sent butterflies aflutter in my stomach. This perfect woman felt the same way about me as I did about her. But then again, was she really so perfect? She’d been running around with me the past month while she had a wife and daughter at home. That didn’t sound so perfect. It was just about as opposite of perfect as you could get.

  Still, I felt that I owed it to myself to hear her out, so when lunch time rolled around, I found myself making my way to the park to talk to her. When I pulled in, she was sitting on the bench we’d shared just a few weeks ago. When I sat down next to her, I noticed she didn’t look so good. Her eyes were tired and she wasn’t wearing as much makeup as usual. Also, instead of styling her hair, she’d simply pulled it back into a small ponytail. Unfortunately for my heart, I still found her extremely enticing.

  We sat in silence for a few minutes before I finally spoke. “So, did you mean it?”

  Diana looked at me inquisitively. “Which part?”

  I cleared my throat a few times, feeling my mouth go dry. “That you were falling in love with me?”

  Diana’s eyes lightened a bit. “Of course I meant it. I am falling in love with you, Carly. Truthfully, I think I may have already fallen.”

  Her words took my breath away. If she’d told me this before I learned about her secret life, I would’ve been ecstatic, but now I just felt confused. Was she saying that she loved me? How was that even possible?

  “I’m so confused,” I answered softly.

  “I’m willing to tell you anything. Ask me whatever you want.”

  I groaned. “Why? How? Who? Diana, I don’t even know where to start.”

  She sighed in response. “Then I’ll start. My wife and I got together in high school. I proposed when we were twenty-three and we got married a year later. Two years after that, our daughter was born. I guess that’s around the time things went downhill. I think we rushed into everything because it seemed like what we should be doing. I proposed because we had been together for years, then naturally marriage and children were the next step. We didn’t take the time to consider whether or not we actually had a future. We only ever dated each other and looking back, I really think that was a big mistake. We didn’t explore what else there was out there and became comfortable in our bubble. But once that comfort wore off, it was clear that the love that we once had wasn’t there anymore. I’ll always love my wife, but I haven’t been in love with her for a long time.”

  I rubbed my temples. “And how does your wife feel? Is she still in love with you?”

  Diana scoffed at the question. “I think she fell out of love with me even before I fell out of love with her. I really tried to make it work for a long time. Pulled all the punches, you know—date nights, romantic getaways, little surprises—but none of that worked. I’d already lost her.”

  “I realize that divorce is a big deal and not something to be taken lightly, especially when kids are involved, but sometimes that’s the only option. In your case, it certainly sounds that way. So, why not get a divorce?”

  Diana looked toward the sky, and I could tell she was trying not to cry again. “I never wanted to be that person who gave up and walked away from my family.”

  And you shouldn’t be, I thought to myself. I shook my head and went to stand up. “It sounds like you still have a lot to sort through, and you need to do that alone. Maybe there’s a chance at some point in the future once you’ve figured this all out, that we’ll meet again and can try to make it work. But clearly, right now is not the time, Diana.”

  “Wait.” Diana reached out and grabbed my hand before I could walk away. “You don’t understand. I’ve had this figured out for years. It’s my wife. She’s not the nicest person in the world. She doesn’t want to put any effort into making this marriage work, but she also has control issues and isn’t willing to let me leave. She’s threatened me… with our daughter. Our daughter legally belongs to both of us since we were married when she was born, but she is biologically my wife’s. She carried her. It was her eggs that were fertilized. It’s her DNA. And to make matters even worse—her best friend is our sperm donor.”

  Diana paused for a moment to look out over the water, and her voice became quieter. “She told me that if I ever left, she would take my daughter away from me. I know I should have protections under the law. I mean, I’m her mom, for God’s sake. But with the direction that this country is taking lately, I’m afraid that someone would side with biology. It’s insane to think that could happen, but that’s the world we live in right now. You should know just as well as I do, even though gay rights have come a long way, there’s still a long way to go and lately, it seems like we are moving backward instead of forward.”

  She took a few steadying breaths, then looked back over toward me, with tears stinging her eyes. “I love my daughter more than anything in the whole world. She will always be my number one priority. If I ever lost her, it would kill me.”

  For a moment, I stood frozen in place, not sure what I should do. This situation was a complete mess and placing myself in the middle of it would only make it a much bigger mess. But I couldn’t force myself to turn around and walk away. Not when Diana looked so sad. I scolded myself as I walked back over to the bench and sat down. I’m just being a friend and a decent human being right now. Leaving her when she’s this distraught would be wrong. I have to at least try to cheer her up.

  To both of our surprises, I reached out and took her hand into mine, placing it on my lap. “Tell me about your daughter,” I said hesitantly.

  With this, Diana’s face immediately lit up. “Her name is Ava. She just started first grade in September and she’s a ball of sass. I swear, the things that come out of that girl’s mouth never cease to surprise me.” She shook her head as she chuckled softly. “She might look like Hailey, but she has my personality. That’s for sure.”

  Hearing what I could only assume was her wife’s name forced me back to reality. This was a very real situation with very real people involved. “I’m glad we talked, Diana, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for either of us if we let this go on anymore. I’m more than willing to be your friend though. I think that’s what you really need right now.”

  She nodded as though she agreed, but her eye
s told a different story. I had to force myself to look away or else I knew I would never leave. I reluctantly stood and made my way back to my car, taking one last look at Diana’s slumped frame before pulling away.

  When I arrived back at Phillips just in time for my afternoon shift, Samantha was waiting for me. She pulled me into her empty exam room and looked me straight in the eyes. “Please tell me you weren’t with Diana.”

  For a split second, I considered lying, but I knew I couldn’t. I had never lied to Samantha and I wasn’t going to start now. Plus, it was worthless anyway. She could read me like a book. I sighed. “I was. But it’s not what you think. I told her we should just be friends.”

  Samantha raised an inquisitive eyebrow at me. “Are you sure that’s such a good idea? You guys have had sex, and you told me you were falling in love with her. I just feel like you’re treading in very dangerous waters, Car. Plus, she lied to you. How does she even deserve your friendship?”

  “I know she lied and, believe me, I realize how screwed up that is. I also realize what a messed-up situation this is, but it’s much more complicated than you think. It wasn’t just some married woman looking for a good time. From the way it sounds, Diana’s wife is pretty awful.”

  Samantha gave me one of her no bullshit looks and refused to break eye contact.

  “What is it?” I asked, finally giving in.

  “I think you need to remember that there are always two sides to every story.” She softened a bit, then added, “Please, just be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  I gave her a reassuring smile. “I’m not going to get hurt. I’m honestly not even sure if Diana and I will talk anymore after this.” But as I walked away and looked down at my phone to see a text that read, “Hello you. Thanks again for meeting with me. I’m sorry I put all of that on you. As heartbroken as I am over the fact that I can’t have you the way I want to, I’m so thankful that someone like you is willing to be part of my life in any capacity. Talk soon?” I knew that I had just lied to my best friend for the first time ever.